Adult Kids At Home? Get Them to Pay Their Share
It’s a modern phenomenon. Not only are men and women taking longer to decide on careers, marry, and have children than ever before, they’re also taking longer to move out of their parents’ house. According to Pew Research, almost 40 percent of young adults 18-31 lived with their parents in 2012 – and that’s the most in 40 years. Of course, not all adult children are created the same, and not all parents feel the same about them. But one thing remains an issue for most families – the need to save money. If you have one or more adult children at home and you need them to start pulling their weight, you can start by assessing the situation and deciding what’s really fair. Most kids are living at home because they’re struggling financially, but that doesn’t mean you can’t realistically expect them to do what they can. Their money problems don’t need to become yours.
Are You Being Taken Advantage Of?
There are plenty of legitimate reasons for your child to still live at home. The most common one is that they’re taking a full load of college classes, working towards a degree and trying to do something with their life. Obviously, young adults pursuing higher education should be applauded, especially if they’re working hard to earn scholarships and work study to offset your contribution to the high price tag. Other situations deserve some understanding, such as newly-single parents of young children or adults who have suffered from accidents or diseases. Most of these adult children will be as eager to get on their feet as you are to see them succeed. But there are also cases where your son or daughter could use some help finding direction and a plan for the future. You shouldn’t resent your child, but you should also not feel guilty about asking that they contribute to the high cost of maintaining a household.
Decide What You Expect
When your child moves back into the house after college or any period of time on their own, you should have a strict timeline in place for how long they intend to stay. Of course, finances change, opportunities change, and emergencies happen, which you and your son or daughter have to be prepared for. But it’s important they know it’s not meant to be a permanent thing. Right off the bat, you should make some lists. List all your expenses for a single month – how much each bill is, how much you spend on food and gas, and how much you have left over. Show your child how these costs are compounded by them living with you and decide together what they should be doing to pay you back. If they can’t afford to pay rent, what other bills can they pick up? If they are unemployed and not in school, they should be looking for any work available, even if it’s part time. They can search for cheaper ways to help support themselves, including a Monkey insurance comparison. You may be putting a roof over their head, but you shouldn’t be paying their cell phone or car insurance bills (with some exceptions).
Putting the Kids to Work
Sometimes it’s just difficult for your child to find steady work no matter how hard they try and you find yourself having to make compromises. While it’s important to make sure your adult child is spending as much of their time trying to find employment as possible, there are plenty of chores, tasks, and errands they can do for you that may actually end up saving you money. You can have a live-in dog walker, babysitter, housekeeper, chauffeur, gardener, and someone to pick up your dry cleaning and prescriptions. If you happen to run your own business, you will probably be glad of the extra help, and you may be able to offer your child work experience that they can put on their resume later. Most parents of adult children who live at home are torn between feeling like they are owed a certain amount of gratitude and feeling guilty they can’t do more to help. In reality, you should approach the situation somewhere in the middle. You have a responsibility to treat your child fairly, but you shouldn’t enable them – remember, tough love only helps.
When it comes to letting your kids move back in, there are positive situations and negative ones. Remember, more than 40 percent of recent college graduates are unemployed, and most of them are carrying a huge amount of debt that may hinder them from buying houses and cars. It’s an extremely difficult time to be young and starting out, and your child deserves some allowance for that fact. Still, tough times don’t take away the need for personal responsibility. If they are doing the best they can in their situation, you don’t have to feel wrong for giving them a place to call home. Just make sure you’re not going broke while you’re doing it.
Author Amy Thomson blogs for Monkey.co.uk. Check out her other articles at Twitter @VroomVroomAmy.
Category: Family Finances
